christmas time is here.

i have been such a slacker about posting anything... i am not really sure why... 

there's a quote from the movie "you've got mail" where tom hanks questions the lyrics to the joni mitchell song "river" - and he questions the meaning of the song...

man, i love that movie... and part of me really loves that song... there's just something sober about it - how in the midst of what could be such a joyous time, there is a desire to escape... i know how it feels to not really feel "in the mood of christmas" - i've been watching the movies... i get a little teary-eyed at the hallmark channel christmas movies and love the cheesy abc family ones... 

i just saw that hershey kisses commercial - it's been on since i was a kid, and in so many ways, it represents the holidays for me... i managed to get the "christmas" box out of my hall closet... the one containing about a dozen ornaments, a rocking horse and my favorite decoration ever - the music box with the dancing santa/mrs. claus... 

and, yet... i wish i had a river i could skate away on...

there is a part of me that gets really contemplative and isolated during the fall and the holidays... i withdraw from people a lot... and keep to myself... i can get really sad... not for any reason in particular... maybe wishing things were different... maybe having a pity party... not really sure...

i like christmas... i like helping other people and the way that everyone seems nicer... more loving, more open to others... i like the fact that it's a chance to celebrate Jesus - His life and the hope that He brought to the world... 

and, yet... i wish i had a river i could skate away on... 

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees.

They're putting up reindeer, and singing songs of joy and peace.

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

But it don't snow here, it stays pretty green

I'm going to make a lot of money, then I'm going to quit this crazy scene.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long, I would teach my feet to fly

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me, you know, he put me at ease

And he love me so naughty, made me weak in the knees.

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I'm so hard to handle, I'm selfish and I'm sad

Now I've gone and lost the best baby that I ever had.

Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

I wish I had a river so long I would teach my feet to fly.

Oh, I wish I had a river

I made my baby say goodbye.

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees.

They're putting up reindeer and singing songs of joy and peace.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on.

nanny jo...

since the first time i was told i looked like jo frost aka supernanny, i've wanted to dress up like her for halloween... i hadn't ever really looked for a purple suit or the right kind of shoes, but i thought that it would be impossible...

this afternoon, i thought i'd give it a chance... i went to the goodwill that is close to my apartment... it was about 3:45 or so... in less than 30 minutes, i left with all but one element of the costume in hand - and all for about $10... i was so excited about it... it's not all "perfect," but it's really close - and it was inexpensive... i think it was a pretty amazing occurrence to find a purple suit that (almost) fit... and shoes that fit - all at a goodwill store that, to be honest, wasn't very full of quality stuff... i did see this random pair of pointy-toed heels that were neon pink and made out of the same material as jellies were made out of in the 80's... and recently... i almost bought them, but wondered when i would actually have a need for them...

i think the only time i'll have use for this purple suit and these shoes are when i feel like dressing up as jo...

here are pictures:

did you ever watch friends? no, i don't have cable.

last thursday, i was working at sbux... this guy walked in and in typical sbux fashion, we asked him what he wanted us to start for him. he informed us that he was waiting on someone... he looked rather impatient, grabbed his cell phone and made a call...

some time later (i kind of forgot about him), he was joined by a young woman... and they ordered drinks and then sat down and started drinking their coffee and talking... i like to observe people a lot of the time... and i realized rather quickly that this was either a first date or very very early on in the relationship... i later learned through minor eavesdropping (while i was on my break) that this was the first time they had met - but knew each other through some online dating site... 

i mentioned it to the people i was working with - they agreed that they thought it was a first date and we were all watching them... we quickly got irritated at how much the guy was talking... and were thinking of ways to help the girl to have an "out." 

i laughed a lot as i watched these two interact... the awkward exchange between the two... he talked A LOT... and she laughed awkwardly and a little too long at things that really weren't that funny... seeing people on a first date is one of my favorite things ever and it happens from time to time at sbux... there's just an expected awkwardness as two people sit down and try to get to know each other with questions and answers... nothing too personal, but more than just surface questions...

i sometimes wonder what people think when they might overhear my conversations and watch my interactions... i'm sure it's pretty hilarious... they may even be writing about me on their blog... i can only imagine... how ridiculous... 

i have nothing good for a sunday night... and i didn't even develop that story well... i also, at some point, would like to talk about the lady who lives downstairs and has plastic on her furniture... will i be her someday? 

need sleep.

Is flipping a coin an acceptable means of making major decisions?

I put in notice at my job at sbux. I’ve been asked to consider staying… not sure what I’m going to do at this point… it would be nice to continue getting 2 paychecks every Friday, even if one is considerably smaller than the other. In a month or two, I’d be getting a special Christmas t-shirt. Also, the discount is nice for buying Christmas presents at 30% off is a nice perk. Plus, I would only have to work 12 hours a week (total – all the time)… which would be a welcome change to the 23 I’m putting in this week. The bad part is that I would still be working 3 jobs… and I’m tired… really really tired…

Heads? Tails?

The presidential election is coming up in a short time. I am registered to vote, but I don’t have a decision set in stone at this point. I don’t talk about politics often because I usually get mad… and it’s not worth it to me. I think there are pros and cons to both sides… I’m not asking for anyone else’s view… and I’m not asking for your opinion about whether or not you think I’m going to Hell because there is a chance I might be voting for Obama. It’s just one more decision I have to make soon… and I don’t know what I’m going to… maybe flip a coin… sounds logical to me…

Paper? Rock? Scissors?

Now for something completely different…

Do you know who judge reinhold is? (beckie, I’m sure you do.) He was in fast times at ridgemont high… Beverly hills cop, the santa clause (yes, with tim allen – he’s the stuffy psychiatrist step-dad)… (and still some people don’t know who I’m talking about)…

Well, evidently he lives in little rock part of the time and he came into sbux last week when I was working… I was so so so excited! (I didn’t hide it – very well, anyway.) We had a good conversation and talked about his upcoming show on the cw – easy money. I will be watching (or at least tivo-ing) and would encourage you to, as well… I mean, I want him to keep earning money so that he can continue to come to sbux when he’s in town…

And speaking of tivo… I finally got dvr!!!! It’s not tivo – but it’s still dvr… I guess I’m finally catching up with the rest of the world… now if I can just get an iPod and a better tv… I got an off-brand chi that I do feel is still a VERY good buy and about 1/3 the cost of a chi – and it is working wonders on my insanely long and not-so-easy-to-manage hair…

Seriously… if you want to invest in the “buy-robyn-an-ipod-fund,” I don’t have a problem with it at all.

And one more complete change of subject…

I love Christ church. For anyone who knows me, they know I talk about it all the time… but I’m getting more excited about seeing how it will grow and how it will take a different shape as our Abba chooses to add people to our little flock… and how their gifts will make our body stronger and how they will help care for us… and how we can care for them… plus, I’m excited about the addition of two new little ones who will be joining us soon… and how we, as a body, will help them grow up to be followers of Christ…

Even though life is sometimes hard, things are good…

country road, take me home to the place i belong, west virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country road...

tonight after church, the room was kind of a-flutter with activity... people, grouped up in small groups sharing life with each other... talking about the things that are going on in their lives and praying together... it's one of my favorite things about church...

tonight was different, though... i ended up sitting next to chris and everyone else was in groups... he grabbed a guitar and started playing songs from the days at central... songs that have a lot of memories tied in with them... some of my favorite songs... songs that remind me of a time when faith seemed more simple and also more complex...

obedience always seemed so easy back then... and at the same time, i think i made some things way more complicated than they needed to be... trying to put on my game face because i would think that's what everyone wanted to see...

now, for me, sometimes i think the thing people most need to see are the places where i am vulnerable... the places that make me real... not the mask... one of the songs we sang was "find me in the river" - and it always brings tears to my eyes when i sing it... "find me in the river, find me there, find me on my knees with my soul laid bare, even though you're gone and i'm cracked and dry, find me in the river... i'm waiting here."

i do feel a bit cracked and dry lately... like i'm not where i need to be... i don't put on the game face with the people i go to church with... but sometimes, i don't expose my true vulnerability... i remain quiet, thinking it's easier not to open up than to show all the junk... to admit that sometimes i hurt and feel lonely... that i mess up and make mistakes... that i'm not perfect.

then, after we sang some of those, chris got out the 12-string and started playing john denver songs... and there's something about the chorus of "take me home, country road" that gets me... no clue what it is... but it gets to me... i love it... i love the thought of going home... and the idea that seems to follow the song that he's going home to someone...

i know these thoughts are disjointed somewhat... i really just needed to write again... i like it being a part of my routine... and i need to practice... because right now it's all a little messy.

1) tina fey is my hero... 2) josh groban is working his way up the list...

so i was at home... instead of doing laundry, i watched the emmy's... occasionally, during breaks, i cleaned...

at least i got one thing quasi-accomplished...

here are my thoughts...

i loved the josh groban singing 30 theme song bit... my favorite was the transition from "we finally got a piece of the pie..." to "i'll be ready..." complete with the dramatic slo-mo-ish baywatch lifeguard re-enactment...

i also loved tina fey's quote in one of her acceptance speeches - "i thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities. well done." whatever... she's hilarious... 

i wondered how kathy griffin could possibly be upstaged/considered normal and appropriate... enter: don rickles... seriously.

p.s. the weekend was fabulous... i was really excited about asu winning another game... now... we need to beat memphis next weekend... it was great to spend time with friends... i laughed a lot... and realized how great my friends are... i would totally back them up in a fist fight if i needed to... i'm just saying. 

he said, 'it's all in your head,' and i said, 'so's everything,' but he didn't get it...

my life is busy. i hate to say that... but it just is... i have some great stories to tell, but tonight, i'm opting for sleep over stopping to write them out...

it's all in my head, so hopefully, someday i'll have an opportunity to share...

until then, dear friends, be well.

i was right...

last night was incredible...

thank you, as always, christ church for being who you are...

i need you...

haha - you need me, too...

tuesday night's plastic corrosion awareness meeting, was i think, a big success.

today has been a day... to say the least... i'm worn out and the day isn't over...

luckily, tonight is a tuesday night... and that means i get to spend some precious time with some of the most precious people i've ever known...

it will be good...

i'm ready...

then the clouds opened up and God said, "I hate you, Alfalfa!"

i guess God is the best prankster...

i hate being up early in the morning... if i've stayed up late and know that i can sleep all day, it's one thing... but when i have to get up and go to work at 5:00 a.m., i pretty much hate life... i don't sleep well, if at all, the night before most of the time... and last night was no different...

i slept less than an hour at one point and woke up about 1 a.m. or so... it's all kind of a blur... and i slept from about 3:00 until 4:45, i think... at 4:45, i got up, dressed for work and walked out the door at 4:55, which is plenty of time for me to get to work...

the weather was bad last night... a lot of lightning and thunder and really heavy rains and evidently pretty strong winds... 

i walked downstairs and through sleepy eyes, this is what i see...

i thought i might be able to get out, but to no avail...

Never fear, someone came to pick me up for work, so i made it... but it was one of those things that i thought, "really, did this happen to me?" another great story...

btw... the dumpster traveled about 50-60 feet... luckily it didn't hit my car... 

connected...

a couple of my friends asked if i wanted to get lunch... they suggested layla's - the greek restaurant close to sbux... i didn't really feel like greek food today, but decided it was an okay option... i would just get pizza...

the owners of layla's love americanos from sbux, so when we got to layla's, i asked them if they wanted anything from sbux and the lady did...

i walked over to sbux and got one of my friends to give me a tall americano... i took it back over to layla's, gave it to the lady, sat down with my friends, ordered and ate lunch... it was great food, but i had more than enough left over... i asked for a box, knowing full well that i hate leftovers and that the pizza would probably go bad before i would think about eating the rest of it... 

then, i found out that they weren't going to charge me for my lunch because of my efforts in bringing them coffee...

i left all the cash i had with me for a tip (about $3.75) and then took my leftovers and walked out... i went back to sbux to get something to drink... i'm stuck on this new drink and i'm trying to figure out how to tweak it to make it perfect...

and then i realized that 2 of the girls who are working now have been talking about food... so i offer them my leftovers... and they ask if i want something to drink... since i've given them my leftovers, they give me my drink as a partner beverage... (cost = $0)

it totally made me feel connected... by 2:00 this afternoon, i was well-fed and full of caffeine... all at no cost to me... except my tip - which was just more to be nice than anything... i felt so cool... (for the record... i know i'm not... i just loved the way it all worked out...)

the barter system could really work...

sushi and butch walker...

if i could do anything tonight, i would go eat sushi and watch a butch walker show...

here are the problems:

1) butch walker doesn't come to little rock - i don't know if he ever will...

2) well, #1 was really the only problem...

i'd settle for another kind of food and a different show... maybe i'll wander down to riverfest... 

but it'd be so great to see butch walker...

do they have support group meetings for insomniacs?

if they did, would the meetings be in the middle of the night? or would that just encourage it?

just curious...

i don't know what it is about me that feels the need to stay up late... i have no reason for being up less than 8 hours before i have to be a fully-aware-and-responsible adult at work tomorrow... but then again, i could probably stay up for a few more hours and be okay... 

but i would hate my life tomorrow... 

i wish everything ran on my time... that would make my life a lot easier... i wouldn't have to worry about the fact that i woke up late this morning and have to figure out a way to work late or through lunch some either tomorrow or sometime this week to make up for time lost today... 

i want to write about something productive... instead, because of the time of day when i finally get to the computer with intentions to write, all i can think about is how i should already be in bed and how i need sleep to function the next day -- and how i'm not accomplishing or achieving said sleep because i want to do something creative...

i'm writing a book... i've talked about it before... but i've never really taken it all that seriously... i think i'm going to now... i don't know if it will end up being one of those "bucket list by 30" items for me or not... but i figure that now is as good of a time as any to do something creative with my life and time... we'll see... writing down my thoughts is one thing... going through the process of making it all flow together is quite another thing... getting it published is an even bigger thing... wish me luck. remind me of good stories we've shared... i have a lot in my head, but i am sure there are some i'm forgetting...

growth vs. growing up...

sometimes i wish i could measure specific growth in my life... whether it's personal or spiritual... i wish that it was like the pencil lines on the inside of the downstairs hall closet... that it would be tangible... specific... 

i think there are some areas in my life where i'm growing... and i like being able to realize that i've grown, but i HATE the growth process... i hate the "growing up" part... i never experienced growing pains... the actual physical pain that comes with some growth - or at least i don't think i did... but it makes me think back to some times in life that there was a lot of pain or suffering... and how it was much easier to focus on the pain and suffering than the outcome... and now, sure, it is easy to look back and understand... but in the midst of it, it's just more complicated than that...

i was thankful when caleb came to christ church a few weeks ago... his words will continue to be something that i want to measure my life by... in talking about a possibility of him having a life-altering condition (negative), he said, "if i have it, i'm going to praise Him. if i don't have it, i'm going to praise Him. my praise should not be dependent upon the circumstances. i have a 50/50 chance of having this disease, but 100% chance of being in God's will."

i wish i lived my life with that mentality... ouch... growing pain...

these are really disjointed thoughts... i originally sat down to write, "i can't believe i'm up late again - hopefully i'll be in bed by midnight" and ended up with this... i guess it's something i needed to sort through...

my favorite scene in grey's anatomy tonight was when meredith looked at christina and said, "are you in a dark place? i am, too." and there was this understanding of life being messy and not necessarily wanting to be happy... i get it. but i'm not in a dark place right now... but i do appreciate the friends who get the dark and messy parts of my world. 

still dumb...

i just read over my last entry... and i was lucky with 6 hours of sleep... last night it was 5... but it was well worth it...

even though i was a zombie today... and i realized at lunch that i hadn't really eaten meat in a few days... and i wondered if that added to my weariness... i felt ravenously hungry... 

and now i'm up late again... i've been on the phone, sharing stories and living life... 

i'm really glad that tomorrow is thursday and that thursday is next to friday... 

i have to get some sleep... 

We sleep around here. Okay, we like it. It makes us pretty and keeps us from killing our crazy friends.

i need sleep... in fact, i should have been in bed 2 hours ago... i should plan on a full 8 hours every night... i should not stay up and do teenager-ish or college-ish behavior-type things... and yet, i don't always do the things i should do... where is the fun in that?

so instead of going to bed at 10-something, i called a friend... i needed to get out of my apartment... i didn't want to sit at home and i didn't want to be left alone with me... and i convinced my friend to go hang out with me... i ate food that is not good for me too late in the night... i know it's bad for me... i know that eating after 9:00 (is it 9, still?) is bad... at least i drank water... and i did blame part of it on the fact that i didn't really have dinner and i was told to eat good meals and drink a lot of water because i'm giving blood tomorrow (or at least attempting)... 

but none of that is really the point... 

i love that right now i can do ridiculous things like go eat breakfast at 10:00 p.m. i like that i have other friends (who are mostly younger than me) who will put up with my whims and actually meet me for breakfast at 10:00 p.m. i know this will not always be the norm in my life... i know that someday, and to be honest, it's most days already, i will not have the desire to go eat breakfast at crazy hours... i mean, when i was in college, 10 was early... i know that eventually, all my friends will be married and will no longer have time to go out on a whim... maybe i will even be in that situation someday...

i guess the thing i am realizing the older i get and the faster time passes is that it's important to stop and embrace life before it slips out of our hands... 

tonight i was thankful for conversations about life and grandmas and theology and well, even boys... all over some runny eggs... for the fact that it was both a possibility and a reality...

but for now, i need sleep... i don't know that i'll get quite enough to make me "pretty" but if i don't get to bed now, i'll be fighting with the inevitable "opposite of pretty" in the morning - both physical and emotional... and i don't want to kill my crazy friends tomorrow... so 6 hours of sleep, maybe 6 and a half will just have to do... 

it's about time...

so i FINALLY got a mac!! i love it! 

i also love being able to pick up the wireless network from the hotel across the street... even if i do have to lay on the floor between my living room and office to pick it up... i don't mind so much!!!

lately i've been intrigued by the show jon and kate plus eight - it makes my blood pressure rise every time i watch it... too many kids and crazy and crazy... there is something to be said for her organizational skills... i can't imagine trying to manage their household... so i guess it's good that it is their life and not mine...

life is good... work is good... i feel like there are a lot of possibilities, but i'm not sure how it's all going to work out... so i'm just taking life one day at a time and making it work... 

so that's it...

there is a jon and kate plus eight marathon on... gotta go... may need some meds later, though... 

the girl with one brown shoe...

so this morning was a bit crazy... i woke up late (staying up late is a huge problem for me)... and i couldn't find my keys when i needed to find my keys... (i had to go through the whole process of thinking about where i had them last... i came home from work and probably put them on the kitchen counter... not there... not on the desk or the bar between the kitchen and office... oh, that's right, i went and got cds out of the car... maybe they're by my cds... nope, underneath the cds...) see how crazy my mind is?

in light of all of that, i was rushing around... and i quickly slipped my left foot into my cute little round-toed black heel... and then slipped my foot into my other little round-toed black heel, or so i thought...

i leave for work, clomp down the stairs (i still haven't mastered walking down stairs in heels)... hop (literally) into my car and leave for work... hit the red lights, get caught up in traffic due to a wreck... all that...

i pull up to the building 10 minutes late, but in enough time to be on time for departmental prayer... as i'm getting out of my car, i look down and realize i'm not wearing the right cute little round-toed black heel, but the cute little pointy-toed brown heel instead!!

too late to go home and change... and after waiting on the elevator for too long, i ended up being late to departmental prayer... not so good for the first week...

and with mismatched shoes, to boot (man, i'm glad i didn't mistake a boot for my black heel... that would have been REALLY embarassing!!!)

i'm pretty sure this was the first time this has happened... i only told a few people and i don't know if anyone else noticed... if they did, they didn't say anything... at least to my face...

dang. i'm probably like the "special" girl at work now...

i don't like mornings!!!

you might as well live.

i got the best package in the mail yesterday... there is something so amazing about walking up to my front door and seeing a big white or yellow envelope smushed between the glass door and the regular door... it's happened twice in the last two weeks...

this time it was a fun envelope of goodness from my dear friend who lives in texas... a mixtape and another cd with over the rhine songs... and a few other little goodies... she might be the most creative person i have ever known...

here are some things that are going on with me...

1) it's raining outside (rain, not men)... kind of a nasty day, but sometimes i just like those...

2) today is my last day of work at heritage... monday i start a new job with new opportunities and new challenges... i'm really excited about it... i'm hanging up my professional graphic designer/artist jersey and going to the less creative, more logical side of a career... i'll be a process coordinator in the donor relations department at familylife... don't know what that is? i don't either... it's something to do with lots of copy editing and details and deadlines... a few things i'm good at, in addition to being creative every now and then... here's a secret about me... i love excel spreadsheets... and using 10-key... sincerely...

3) i won tickets on the radio yesterday morning to go see brian regan... i have never seen him, but i have heard REALLY good things about him... i knew that he was coming and even contemplating going when i would have to buy a ticket... then i won 2... so i'm trying to figure out who to take with me... plus, i won tickets on the radio!!! it makes me think of the guy in one crazy summer who tries to win something on the radio... and he sits in that crazy room... i just called twice - once it was busy, then i was caller #9...

4) i've gotten in the habit of staying up REALLY late and it's not a good thing... why i was up until 2 a.m. watching romy and michelle's high school reunion last night or 2 a.m. watching kate and leopold is beyond me... maybe having a tv in my room is a bad thing!

5) i feel a good list has 5 things... so... my friend wende is coming in town to visit this weekend... i am excited to see my friend and to have house-guests... but i'm also not used to sharing my space... i have more cleaning to do... ugh...

oh - and tomorrow i have the day off... hooray for a 3-day weekend!!!

april is looking pretty good right about now!

And now the times are changin', Look at everything that's come and gone... those were the best days of my life...

every now and then, a friend comes along... and the word "friendship" doesn't quite begin to define the relationship... it's more than friendship... it's a kindred-spirit kind of relationship... and time can change it, but never kill it... there's something comforting about knowing that regardless of how much time passes that we will always be friends... and we will always have fun...

and somehow, the fun just gets better and better...

i really didn't know i could have that much fun on a monday night...

now if only we lived in the same town...

they say it's your birthday... well, it's my birthday, too...

i love birthdays... sometimes i forget how much i love them... but i do...

except for the rain that was only bad when i decided to walk out from underneath the shelter of the upstairs landing and put a huge damper on the time spent actually fixing my hair this morning... it has been a spectacular day and it's only 9:42... i won't let rain get me down...

and last night wasn't bad either...

here are the thank yous so far:

1) thank you, hot stranger, for wishing me happy birthday last night... for being observant and overhearing my conversations...

2) thank you, starbucks friends, for throwing me a party this morning including cake AND candles... you don't know how much you mean to me... seeing you in the mornings is the highlight of my day...

3) thank you, wende jackson, for calling me right at 12:00 a.m. to sing happy birthday to me...

4) thank you, alyssa sellers, for my favorite birthday card ever...

5) thank you, countless others, for comments and messages and cards and presents...

i've kind of decided 28 is going to be the best year... i have never felt such love and warmth and friendship by so many people all at once as i do here... and today...

Oh, Mexico, It sounds so sweet with the sun sinking low...

So… I went to Mexico…

I haven't gone on a mission trip where I was strictly a participant in over 4 years. Initially, when I heard about the trip, I thought that it was out of the question. Originally, it was going to be a longer trip and I knew I didn't have the vacation time to go… even though I wanted to…

Then things started changing and I know that God was working on my heart. The trip was shortened to just a few days and the cost was just about manageable. I decided that it was dumb for me not to consider it and almost as quickly as I was considering, I knew I was going to be on the trip…

Then the price was reduced by an amazing amount and everything worked out brilliantly… I love it when that happens…

So we left for mexico early on the morning of dec. 27… we drove, which is pretty amazing (to and from mexico and 2 days there in 4 days’ time)… there were 8 of us all together… mostly people I knew pretty well and a few others who I got to know a lot more over the course of 4 days…

We drove to Laredo on Thursday night, and then drove into mexico on Friday morning… our plan was to go and deliver Christmas gifts (clothes, shoes, and toys) to children and teenagers who live at an orphanage in Sabinas Hidalgo, Mexico… we didn't know how we would be received. Besides the fact that there is a language barrier, there could be emotional barriers with the kids. Sometimes kids who have had rough upbringings could be distant with thick walls around them… since we didn't know where these kids were coming from emotionally, we didn't know how it would go that first day…

There was a huge part of me that felt the way I did when I lived in East Asia… in fact, when I would take a picture, I would actually start to count in Chinese the way we would when we took pictures there… and I think I said, "thank you" in Chinese about 20 times an hour… I didn't know why… I guess it was the result of having those words so engrained into my brain when I was out of my own language and culture…

When we drove up, the kids came running up… we were immediately met with smiles and hugs and love and friendship… instantly, it became a time of play and laughter and all-around good times…

We played for the rest of the day and that night… and we gave them their Christmas gifts that night… it was great to see their faces light up, not only at the thought of getting gifts, but just of having new friends and a bunch of crazy Americans to play with…

It felt like we had been there for about 5 days by the next day. We spent some time sightseeing and then came back for lunch and to play some more. During the afternoon, the director brought us inito the office and told us the back stories on most of the kids… some of the stories were pretty basic, but some of the kids have had it really rough their entire lives… it was amazing to think of how open and welcoming some of them were based on their past experiences… we were thankful not to have known the backstories initially so our first encounters could be pure with no tainted opinions based on their pasts.

We played the rest of the day and then went to church with them that night… during church, I sat next to kimara… one of the girls that had won my heart… she was a teenager (14, I think…) and during church, she wrote on my hand, “robyn is my best friend.” Before church, we sat by the fountain and she showed me some of her favorite bible passages and I showed her some of mine… it was pretty incredible to watch her turn to passages that had such depth and talked so much about fear and loneliness… two things that I struggle with a lot… and to see our favorite verses line up so well… at one point, we were reading the same passage… Isaiah 43 together… kimara in spanish and I was reading in english… what a beautiful sound…

After church, we knew that it was almost time for the kids to go to bed, which meant the end of seeing them… we left early the next morning before anyone was awake… so, it meant for a lot of hugs and tears…

We left before any of the kids had gotten up… All in all it was a good trip… I walked away learning a few things and remembering a few more…

1) I learned and remembered the simple joys of “play” – how fun it is just to play and laugh and how that literally knocks down language barriers. It makes me think of the song “It’s a small world” – a smile means friendship to everyone. Cheesy, yes, but it’s easy enough and it’s true…

2) I felt the presence of God when I heard Norma’s laugh… there was something so pure and incredible about her giggle…

3) Sometimes ministry is pushing a swing… it doesn’t have to be hard or complex… just meeting a need… which is sometimes allowing others to feel at ease and just to have fun and experience joy…

4) Simple grace… accepting someone by giving them a hug, or letting a child sit in your laugh or having a child grab your belly by surprise as he says in his best santa claus deep voice, “HO! HO! HO! SOY SANTA CLAUS” is sometimes just as powerful as saying something deep about theological ideas…

5) One of the things that I said (jokingly) while I was there a few times was, “how do you say ‘self-esteem’ in Spanish?” – sometimes doing ministry and being real means looking really dumb… and that’s okay.

I don’t know that I can put any more into words… that’s all I’ve got for today… but I’m glad I got to go and experience it… I was really grateful to get out of my world for a few days and remember the joy that I used to feel about world missions… not that it’s gone… it’s just been a long time…

that ain’t no etch-a-sketch... this is one doodle that can’t be undid, homeskillet...

i have decided i'm going to be better at writing... here are a few topics i want to write about over the next few weeks... i'm hoping to get to all of them before the end of the month...

1) mexico: a reflection

2) 2007: a wrap-up

3) my new apartment: a portrait

4) movies i've seen recently: a review

5) bingo night: a story

i think there are others... but those are the big ones...

but all of them will have to wait... i'm determined to get to bed before midnight for the first time in over a week... (it will actually be the first time in over a week that i'll be in bed before 2 a.m.)
so get ready for some upcoming words and thoughts...